He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize
