and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
