What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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