I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
