UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
