you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
