just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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