i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Slut skills are useful in every country.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
