just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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