i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
