I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
