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So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
