Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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