I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
