saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
