Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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