If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
