she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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