Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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