first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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