Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
