she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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