i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
