Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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