Don't make out with my wife yet
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
