Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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