where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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