just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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