K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
