I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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