so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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