bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
