My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
