every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
