So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
