You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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