Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
