Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
