And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
