I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
