Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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