Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
