I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
