Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
