Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
that may or may not have been my penis.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
