I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
