So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just want nice things and good sex
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
