Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
