what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
