I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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