we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I wanna passion pit in your ass
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
