dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
