I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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